to perservere

God Dag! The walks around the lake are working a mini miracle on me. It is giving me time for reflection, duh I know everyone says that, its true though. I find things each walk that make me curious and not drowning in my usual sadness from this change. The lily pads that line the edges, they are also in one little nook of the lake that the water doesn't get wind. So the lily pads have taken over that part. The water barely bobbles up and down on that side of the lake, it must make lily pad growth easier. The perseverance of the lily pads throughout the other edges of the lake are fascinating. They have these thick vines that connect them to... I actually don't know. I am still a little, a lot actually, freaked about swimming with fish.

Then there are these beautiful swans. They take my breath away. Yes, update, there are two, they are obvious mates. They have little growing babies, cygents, yes I did research that one. So first glance, I saw a big bird that was gliding through the water. Second siting was of the swan with its mate and babies fighting over bread crumbs. Mean giant swan knocking other ducks away from its territory of food. All in the water. I wonder how its looks waddle, I wonder if it can pull of mean out of the water. It will turn his beak into the water towards the duck and give a swak! Then if the duck is persistent then the swan dips its head under the water and tips the duck over by tapping under the breast of the duck. Its kinda national geographic mean. I know that sounds silly, but maybe its their beauty, or their size. You just don't expect them to go WWF on the other ducks. I almost think its like seeing beautiful people be ugly. I am drawn to beauty, and when its ugly in the same moment, I have very little understanding. I could call it irony. Irony is an adventure for my mind, whether it be visually ironic, or less obvious. I like dressing ironic, like I think red and light blue are perfect mates, or orange and lavender.

So back to the lake. The happy cows, why do they sit there in the rain and today in the warm 60's (F) do they walk around and eat? Now this one is obvious. Warm grass. Warm grass under foot, warm breezes to clean their fur. Sunlight must feel like a hot bath to them. Back to the rain though yesterday I was walking looked over my left shoulder to see and sleeping cow and she opened her eyes to me the second I looked at her. You know that completely freaks me when humans do that, not the sleeping thing but when you look their way the look yours. So the brown with white spots cow looks at me through her left eye, like she is waiting for my steps to disappear so she can get back to dreaming. I wonder what cows dream about. This goes back to do animals dream? Do animals go to heaven? I'll get back to you when I discover that tidbit.

The slugs are amazing all over Stavanger. They are big, knarly, nasty slugs. I want to describe them as amazing, if it weren't for them being so ugly. They have bumps on their backs, very small, if there weren't slimy I would say its fur. Their antennae are big and as bold as there bumps/fur on their backs. I haven't seen a slug in the middle of a path yet. It makes me giggle to myself and do "how does the chicken cross the road" jokes, like how did the slug cross the road. I think the chicken flew across the road btw (genius! I know!). Back to the slugs, they are not small, I would say as long as a leaf (leaves are normal sized here!!) from stem to end. They cannot be missed, I hope not at least- I don't like slugs at all, but I have barefoot stepped on a few and its left me feeling very dirty so I prefer not to have any contact with them, even if it is with my shoe. I also wonder why would the slug cross the road? Its not like there is enough nutrients on each side of the path. Maybe its why would someone cross the ocean... just to get to the other side. So the size of the slugs make me think of gulivers travels. I must read that story. Like the people are bigger here, the slugs are, and I am small here in this land.

Okay the Gulivers Travels is a separate subject. I am finding once I read the book I will have more perspective on my current move. Guliver made friends and alliances in each world, he grew and the people he met grew. He adapted to the world, he quickly saw the flaws in the world he was in. It always took him time to enjoy the world & make friends, then just like summer camp, leave & miss his newly found friends. I would have to say I am at the misery summer camp moment, sad its not the afternoon on monday, with only 4 days left. Gulliver should be out taking in the sites etc but instead he's fighting the reality of his current state. Its like a Dickens book, no need to be subtle just tells the story like it is: "Stop being silly and smell the roses of reality".

Reality is a fuzzy thing right now. Let me list it in a non literary way: Sleep-um odd, I now wake at 6 am lay around to later hear Jeff turn off his alarm at 6:40, not to mention 11pm feels like 8 pm. Food- okay lots, lots of weird stories could be filled in here, but this is the one that I cannot get over, my pee smells different... I hate it. Language- I am learning to live in calm happy introspection. Price- I add this to the list because it sucks, along with the fun mental game of 'what is this USD', its okay frozen pizza 10, 0.25 ounces of deli meat 6 USD, road toll 8 US dollars, bottle o water 10 USD. Back to fuzzy reality moments: manners- this is the one that makes me grit my teeth, max & I walking down the side walk, four young teens walking towards us don't move over, not one of them think or motion to move for a Woman & Child, same thing with Jeff, Max & I and adults one day, Jeff moves in front to make more room for them & us to pass easier, I actually had to put Max in front of me so I didn't have to squish him into the wall next to me (this goes back to the Beautiful Swan acting Ugly).

I must sign off now. My optimism of the walk has shaded into a growling tummy ache for home. I promise to pick up next time with some fresh talk less jaded. My title of this note was to show I am pushing through the cloud. As you have read, the fog of reality is setting back in. Night. Its dark here now, just in time its almost 1 am.

b